Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The Dr. Phil and Kim Richards Interview-- It's all Kyle's Fault, I love turtles

My imagined interview between Dr. Phil and Kim Richards

Dr. Phil: Are you addicted to prescription drugs?

Kim: No, I don’t want to talk about it, that’s off limits.

Dr. Phil: Okay, are you an alcoholic?

Kim: No, I’m clean. I haven’t had a drink since 1975 and how dare you ask me such a question.

Dr. Phil: Have your children suffered from your substance abuse?

Kim: I told you, I haven’t had a drink since 1985. And my kids are off limits. We can’t talk about that.

Dr. Phil: Don’t you think it is time to take some responsibility for your actions? You do know there are consequences for you actions don’t you?

Kim: As I told Kyle a couple of years ago, there are no consequences. What actions, Dr. Phil?

Dr. Phil: For instance, your dog bit five people, including your niece. You are being sued by one of the people who was bitten and you blamed your niece for getting bit by your dog. Your dog trainer was also attacked and that was on film.

Kim: Kingsley is not a dog. He is my son and I wish you would stop calling him a dog because you are hurting his feelings. And we can’t talk about my kids, that’s off limits.

Dr. Phil: Kim, your children are here and they want you to go to rehab. I am willing to send you to rehab for a 60-day program. All you have to do is say yes. What do you say?

Kim: Kingsley is here? Where is he? Fuck you, Dr. Phil. I have too much going on. I have to get as many of Monty’s pills as possible while they are still available and Brooke is having her big wedding and I can’t miss the chance to get drunk, no one will come to my house any more because they say my son is dangerous so there is no one there to take care of him if I go away, besides, it’s all Kyle’s fault so maybe you should send her to rehab instead. You can’t trust a bitch who has a loving husband, children who have their feet solidly on the ground, a beautiful house, and SHE STOLE MY HOUSE, so yeah, send her to rehab cause that’s why I love turtles but not my sister.

Dr. Phil: Kim, that’s very aggressive. You know, Lisa Rinna made some good points to you this season on the show, why did you get so catty with her and try to ruin her husband’s reputation?

Kim: I didn’t say anything about Harry. What makes you say that? It’s Kyle’s fault because she didn’t have my back. A good sister would have my back. That’s why I love Kathy and not Kyle. Kathy always has my back.

Dr. Phil: Kyle is doing the right thing, believe it or not. She’s standing up to you and saying no more to your addictions. Why did you blame her daughter for the dog bite she suffered from?

Kim: What are you talking about? What addictions. I am not struggling with my sobriety, Dr. Phil. Why don’t you get that? Why doesn’t anybody get that? It wasn’t Alexia’s fault anyway. It was Kyle’s fault for having a husband who cares about her and children who are successful and didn’t have to deal with their mother’s addiction. Yup, it’s all Kyle’s fault. AND SHE STOLE MY HOUSE! Why are you not getting that? I love turtles.

Dr. Phil: Okay, so will you accept the offer to go to rehab?

Kim: Hell no! I’m not going to rehab. That incident at the Polo Lounge was just a little slip. I shouldn’t have done it, I own it. It’s all my fault, but Kyle started it because she was born.

Kim steps off stage and runs out of the studio and into a waiting vehicle leaving a livid Dr. Phil onstage where he then focuses on Kim’s kids because her sister Kathy is chasing behind her so she can placate her a little bit more. Unfortunately, this isn’t the end of Kim’s troubles because she constantly refuses to get help. She doesn’t even pretend to care anymore. Why should she? It’s all Kyle’s fault.

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